October 20, 2010

Traumatic or negative experiences associated with sex - ARTICLE

This is one of the core challenges that might stop women or men from engaging into a tantric sex exploration.

In fact, next to their fantasies and desires, people will often have at least some fears or negative emotions associated with sex.

These can be:
  • Sexual abuses from childhood or adulthood
  • Past rejection experiences
  • Performance anxiety
  • Fears of STDs
  • Moral guilt and shame associated with sex
  • Judgement from others
  • Etc.
In other terms, sex can be both a source of pleasure and pain.

When someone engages in a tantric sex exploration, they overcome their negative emotions associated with sex and start playing.

This means that their desires and sexual drive are stronger than any doubt or fear they might have.

Now, if someone faces resistance to engage in a sexual exploration, that's perfectly normal and ok.

It simply means that the negative emotions overpower the desire to play.

This is something to keep in mind at all times!

People might show LOTS of vulnerability when engaging in intimacy.

Sometimes, their steps are fragile and they need all the support and care they can get.

They need to feel physically and emotionally SAFE!

This is why it is so essential to be totally respectful and understanding of everyone's needs.

These negative emotions associated with sex can be in you or in your partner.

If you feel that you are the one who is hold back by these emotions, the way to go is to take very small steps.

You might not be comfortable with being naked with someone but enjoy a warm hug.

Or, you are ok with light intimacy but very uncomfortable with having intercourse.

If that's the case, listen to what happens in you and take VERY small steps with your partner.

In the feed back minute after your tantric sessions, you can share some of your fears and ask your partner to go really slow and show total care and respect for your boundaries.

Once you rebuild trust and feel totally safe with someone, you can go slightly further when you are ready.

This means slightly stretching your comfort zone here and there and explore the new areas of intimacy.

You don't need to rush.

Take all the time you need and stay in communication with your partner.

If you are the one suffering from past traumas, another way to go is to explore your body with self pleasure.

You can as well work with a sex therapist who will help you heal past traumatic wounds.

If it's your partner who shows resistance to play, the first step is to totally respect and acknowledge their emotions.

Tell them they are safe with you and that you totally understand what they are telling you.

Remember that for instance your partner might have faced powerful traumatic abuses in their childhood.

They might have been heavily rejected by an ex lover and be afraid to open up again.

Or they simply might have fears about STD's or being used for sex.

So, you need to create a space of safety and respect in all your tantric sex practices.

If someone can't or doesn't want to play, the ONLY way to go is RESPECT!

Forcing anyone or using coercive power or threat is NOT OK! EVER!

You get the message, right?